trapped

Ever since my first relationship ended, i have been constantly reminding myself, if i were to go into one in future, i would make myself a better girlfriend but i just disappoint myself so much yesterday.

For a good 5 years i have been reminding myself not to be too reliant on the special someone. I’ve got to be independent! Do things myself so i would not appear to have taken someone for granted. For the past 1 year i have been good. The reminder stayed with me so much so that reuben had to tell me please depend on me.

But up till today, the reminder seems to have just disappeared. Being too dependent and taking him for granted just happened too quickly without even me realizing it. Until yesterday when he told me, he wanted to extend his internship for 2 weeks, it kind of struck me. i could have been more supportive, and say yes go ahead its a very good experience. but hell no! i got so damn sad. Well probably because i’ve been left alone for too long, stuck at  home for the longest time ever. Secretly hoping we could meet up more often after his internship ended.

sigh, then i started reflecting why everything turn out the way it was and i end up feeling so damn pissed with myself. Even reuben guess it right why i am feeling so. which means to say i am falling deeper and deeper into that never-ending trap.so much for typing this entry, it serve as a reminder to pull myself up from the trap 😦